Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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