Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
