I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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