Your mouth is God's brothel.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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