I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
