I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
