I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
