Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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