Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize