It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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