I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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