Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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