omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
