He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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