News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
