If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
