can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
