i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
