Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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