the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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