well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
