my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
