I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
