No awkward lesbian experiences without me
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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