you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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