I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
