Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
