You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
