So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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