how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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