I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
