That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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