why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
