I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
