this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
