we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
