Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
