it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
