Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize
