Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
