So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
