Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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