Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
