Swine flu. Run for my life!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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