Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize