i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
