she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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