Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
