I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
