He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
