I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
