You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
