was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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