The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
