So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize