did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
it glows. i had to have it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
