the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
