So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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