just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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