Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
