Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize