I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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