I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
