we have pet lesbian snakes
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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