2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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