My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
