I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
