those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
vagina is talking i cant
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Your cock deserves a montage
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
