I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
