sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
