My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
