six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
