Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
being pregnant is like rehab
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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