I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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