I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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