i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
